There’s this friend. A good friend. It’s a fact that this friend is a bright person. A straights A’s kind of person. Very clever indeed but always claiming that he/she is the other way around. ALWAYS ok. Up till I felt like knocking some senses on this friend’s head. And he/she like to compare with me. Err helloo... why me?
I’m just lucky to be what I am today. I’m not a bright student, far away from being clever. I’m not a straight A’s student (well except for my UPSR which was nothing ok). I’m just lucky enough to graduate with a degree. My result was always barely enough for me to pass. Cukup makan. Ok I admit it was because neither had I given any attention in class nor I did any revision until the very last minutes so serve it well for me right.
And this friend, not only he/she scored straight A’s during secondary level, he/she graduated with 1st class honours ok. Oh if that’s not enough, he/she even got the Anugerah Diraja for being the best student in his/her university. And why still comparing with me who graduated only with.... err...hmmmm... 2nd class lower? See... I’ve never ashamed of admitting myself. Since ages ago.... I’ve never ashamed of admitting my result even when everyone else keeps saying oklah, bolehlah, adalah. Including this friend.
I got this job on my 3rd attempt ok. And at the age of 29 while majority of my batch mates are at the age of 24-25. And to get this job, I think I studied more than I did when I was a student. But this friend secured the job at the age of 22, before he/she even graduated. Now at the age of 25, this friend is better off than me. So who’s better than whom?
Did he /she know that every time he/she said that I’m better than him/her, instead of being flattered, I felt insulted? Hurt. For I felt that if he/she who’s so brilliant can say that what he/she got is not good enough, how am I supposed to feel with what I got? Should I feel that I’m such a dumb-stupid-idiot?
Stop comparing. If I want to compare thing, I think I have 1001 flaws that I can compare with just everyone else. Mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally I am not like everyone else. I felt that everyone else is better off than I am. But I just accept what I am for it’s the result of my own bad, good or God-given.
I just don’t understand this comparing habit. I always have friend who are better off than me and yet still like to compare with me. Envy with me for no apparent reason. I have nothing that I can be proud of. Well maybe one thing that I can be proud of myself is that I’m good at camouflaging. Because people never see the real me. The real weak-sensitive-shy-always nervous me.
People see me as;
The confident Eny.
The tough Eny
The strong Eny.
The clever Eny.
But I am not.
Truth is I’m a nervous freak.
Truth is I’m super-duper sensitive.
Truth is I’m as weak as the weakest person.
Truth is I’m clueless in so many thing.
But I refuse to let people see the weak me. I try so hard not to let people see the weak me. I believe that I have to help myself; showing my weakness so people will sympathize and offered help is so not my way. Well sometimes I do feel like doing it but even then I think no one would cares. It’s still up to me to figure everything on my own.
Ok what I’m trying to say is; please stop comparing with me. I’m no one. I’m just one lucky person who’s been blessed with God loves that I’ve became what I am today. Be thankful with what we had for there’s other who’s far worse than us. Ok!
I’m just lucky to be what I am today. I’m not a bright student, far away from being clever. I’m not a straight A’s student (well except for my UPSR which was nothing ok). I’m just lucky enough to graduate with a degree. My result was always barely enough for me to pass. Cukup makan. Ok I admit it was because neither had I given any attention in class nor I did any revision until the very last minutes so serve it well for me right.
And this friend, not only he/she scored straight A’s during secondary level, he/she graduated with 1st class honours ok. Oh if that’s not enough, he/she even got the Anugerah Diraja for being the best student in his/her university. And why still comparing with me who graduated only with.... err...hmmmm... 2nd class lower? See... I’ve never ashamed of admitting myself. Since ages ago.... I’ve never ashamed of admitting my result even when everyone else keeps saying oklah, bolehlah, adalah. Including this friend.
I got this job on my 3rd attempt ok. And at the age of 29 while majority of my batch mates are at the age of 24-25. And to get this job, I think I studied more than I did when I was a student. But this friend secured the job at the age of 22, before he/she even graduated. Now at the age of 25, this friend is better off than me. So who’s better than whom?
Did he /she know that every time he/she said that I’m better than him/her, instead of being flattered, I felt insulted? Hurt. For I felt that if he/she who’s so brilliant can say that what he/she got is not good enough, how am I supposed to feel with what I got? Should I feel that I’m such a dumb-stupid-idiot?
Stop comparing. If I want to compare thing, I think I have 1001 flaws that I can compare with just everyone else. Mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally I am not like everyone else. I felt that everyone else is better off than I am. But I just accept what I am for it’s the result of my own bad, good or God-given.
I just don’t understand this comparing habit. I always have friend who are better off than me and yet still like to compare with me. Envy with me for no apparent reason. I have nothing that I can be proud of. Well maybe one thing that I can be proud of myself is that I’m good at camouflaging. Because people never see the real me. The real weak-sensitive-shy-always nervous me.
People see me as;
The confident Eny.
The tough Eny
The strong Eny.
The clever Eny.
But I am not.
Truth is I’m a nervous freak.
Truth is I’m super-duper sensitive.
Truth is I’m as weak as the weakest person.
Truth is I’m clueless in so many thing.
But I refuse to let people see the weak me. I try so hard not to let people see the weak me. I believe that I have to help myself; showing my weakness so people will sympathize and offered help is so not my way. Well sometimes I do feel like doing it but even then I think no one would cares. It’s still up to me to figure everything on my own.
Ok what I’m trying to say is; please stop comparing with me. I’m no one. I’m just one lucky person who’s been blessed with God loves that I’ve became what I am today. Be thankful with what we had for there’s other who’s far worse than us. Ok!
P/S : On a lighter note, am I really bijak without me knowing it? Hmmmm perasan!
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