I just can’t describe what I’ve been thru these past few weeks. My emotions go haywire. Last week I was so much in lovey dovey mood. (blush) Been thinking about love, commitment, settling down, having kids around me, spending time with my future other half (and who might that be?) etc etc. (blush again) Dah terkena panahan cinta Cupid la ni. Very much indeed in loving mood that every single thing that I saw or even thought, end up on such a lovely perspective. Romantic couples holding hands la, parents sending off children to school la, babies having fun la etc etc. ( I even portrays myself doing all that in near future…hehehe) Well nothing wrong in having all that dreams or thought but, me doing that…. Hmmm there are really something wrong with me. The feeling has never been so intense before. It just like I’m all set up to open my heart, let loose the guard and let myself to love and to be love. Am I in love? I’m not sure. Even if I do, with who’s and is it really loves? What if it was just a crush? And the feeling might just faded away as the time goes by. Aaargh I just don’t have the answer for that. Or do I? Hmmm
Then come Sunday. There I was, all alone at home with nothing much to do and my mind started to do some extra works. Been reflecting back what I’ve been thru for the past few weeks. Suddenly it struck my mind that maybe; just maybe that I’m in love. Oh really? With who? (adelah…blush once more) Hmmm maybe yes maybe not. Maybe I’m just too carried away. Iyelah dah tak de benda nak pikir, mulalah nak berangan itu, berangan ini. Well I’m 30 so what do you expect. Normal la tu to think and to feel like that ok. (since when do I cares that I’m getting older ni?) Hehehe…
Shame on you Eny. No ones even notice your existence and there you are nak fall in love plak. Well I have long accepted the fact that I am not the kind of lady that can woo guy’s heart easily. Yelah I nikan tak cantik, boyish plak tu (but I’m girlier now), dressing pon ntah ape-ape ntah (I’ve changed that too), tak pandai masak langsung (kan orang kata the best way to win a guys heart is thru their tummy), sensitive and moody too (can be a bit temperamental tau) and banyak lagi la. So, sape la nak orang macam I ni. Mungkin ada dulu but then at that time I plak yang tak rase nak bercinta. Tak bersedia la, takut commitment la, tak nak terkongkong la, macam-macam alasanlah. Sekarang dah tua bangka baru terhegeh-hegeh nak bercinta. Tapi calon pulak takde. Pathetic btoi la.
Whatever it is, I have to clear up all this mess that I myself created as soon as possible and focus back on my life. Go back to reality Eny. Just let nature take it course. If it’s already written in your fate that you’ll be single all your life, then accept it with open heart and make do with whatever around you. Just enjoy your life. Bukannya mati pon kalo tak kawin and tak de anak kan. Cuma kurang bahagia je lah. Hehehe… Tak pe, then I can focus 100% on making my parents happy, taking care of my younger siblings and anak sedara kan ramai, leh la tumpang manje-manje. Kalau ada jodoh, tak ke mana, ok. Dah jangan nak sedih-sedih tak tentu hala. Pastu stress sorang-sorang Tak de sape peduli pon. Keje pon dah melambak tu. Sibuk berangan keje tak buat. Hehehehe… Like I said before, I have to be content with what I have. Ada orang yang lagi teruk nasibnye tau.
Ok-ok… pasni dah tak nak pikir pasal ni dah. Esok nak balik Kuantan. Dah tak sabar-sabar ni nak jumpa anak-anak sedaraku yang kiut miut and keletah tu. Adah, Mira and Nabila, Chek Ngah datang ni. Hehehe…...
Then come Sunday. There I was, all alone at home with nothing much to do and my mind started to do some extra works. Been reflecting back what I’ve been thru for the past few weeks. Suddenly it struck my mind that maybe; just maybe that I’m in love. Oh really? With who? (adelah…blush once more) Hmmm maybe yes maybe not. Maybe I’m just too carried away. Iyelah dah tak de benda nak pikir, mulalah nak berangan itu, berangan ini. Well I’m 30 so what do you expect. Normal la tu to think and to feel like that ok. (since when do I cares that I’m getting older ni?) Hehehe…
Shame on you Eny. No ones even notice your existence and there you are nak fall in love plak. Well I have long accepted the fact that I am not the kind of lady that can woo guy’s heart easily. Yelah I nikan tak cantik, boyish plak tu (but I’m girlier now), dressing pon ntah ape-ape ntah (I’ve changed that too), tak pandai masak langsung (kan orang kata the best way to win a guys heart is thru their tummy), sensitive and moody too (can be a bit temperamental tau) and banyak lagi la. So, sape la nak orang macam I ni. Mungkin ada dulu but then at that time I plak yang tak rase nak bercinta. Tak bersedia la, takut commitment la, tak nak terkongkong la, macam-macam alasanlah. Sekarang dah tua bangka baru terhegeh-hegeh nak bercinta. Tapi calon pulak takde. Pathetic btoi la.
Whatever it is, I have to clear up all this mess that I myself created as soon as possible and focus back on my life. Go back to reality Eny. Just let nature take it course. If it’s already written in your fate that you’ll be single all your life, then accept it with open heart and make do with whatever around you. Just enjoy your life. Bukannya mati pon kalo tak kawin and tak de anak kan. Cuma kurang bahagia je lah. Hehehe… Tak pe, then I can focus 100% on making my parents happy, taking care of my younger siblings and anak sedara kan ramai, leh la tumpang manje-manje. Kalau ada jodoh, tak ke mana, ok. Dah jangan nak sedih-sedih tak tentu hala. Pastu stress sorang-sorang Tak de sape peduli pon. Keje pon dah melambak tu. Sibuk berangan keje tak buat. Hehehehe… Like I said before, I have to be content with what I have. Ada orang yang lagi teruk nasibnye tau.
Ok-ok… pasni dah tak nak pikir pasal ni dah. Esok nak balik Kuantan. Dah tak sabar-sabar ni nak jumpa anak-anak sedaraku yang kiut miut and keletah tu. Adah, Mira and Nabila, Chek Ngah datang ni. Hehehe…...
1 comment:
Eny,
Dont la put yourself down like that. I believe that there's someone for everyone. Not necessarily in the form of a husband/ wife, but someone who can fill your life and make your life seems complete.
Believe me, I've been through so many heartbreaks. Its no fun. But I learn something new about myself along the way and make me fight harder for what I want in life.
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