To the only man who has wiped my tears away

Some people came into our life briefly but gave a lasting impression. Like Cik Halil. We were neighbours for less than 2 years and yet he’s more like a family to us. In that short period, lots of things happen. Things that make us became closer; moment yang penuh kelakar, sedih, gembira, marah and all. Then Abah retires and we have to move out. He was there to help us packing our stuff, ikut sekali ke rumah baru and help to unload the stuff from the truck. After we move out, we still see each other occasionally; mostly during raya.

I grew up, furthering my studies elsewhere and start working far away from home too. So I rarely see them anymore. But my parents still see them la. Few years back, he had some marital problem and they filed for divorce. So I haven’t seen him since and I can’t recall when was the last time I met him until last raya.

I was at a friend house with Siti and Akak when Mak call and told us that Cik Halil and family came. Circumstances have it that after leaving that friend house, I have to go to few shops looking for some stuff. Mak keep calling us all the time so we rushed home. When we reached home, they were already in the car leaving. But seeing us, they came out and sempat la bersalaman.

Cik Halil looks so fragile. Kind of suffering from some disease like that. Ish masih terbayang-bayang masa tu. His last word for me; “Angah bila nak kawin? Dah ada boifren ke belum? Nak cari suami, carilah lelaki macam Ayah (Abah). Ayah ni lelaki yang baik. Jangan cari macam Acik (him). Acik ni jahat.” I didn’t say anything, just smiling aje. Then he left. That was the last time I saw him alive. That night Bang Long told us that Cik Halil suffering from cancer. Liver cancer if I’m not mistaken. At final stage and he didn’t told anyone but Bang Long. He told Bang Long that his day is counting and it won’t be long for him.

Last week Mak called and told me that Cik Halil was warded and he’s getting worse. Then on Sunday, just before maghrib, Abah called and told me that Cik Halil dah tenat. I called Bang Long and Eman and ajak diorang balik Kuantan. I just knew then that he won’t survive this. Solat maghrib and sempatlah bacakan yaasin for him. Bang Long tak dapat ikut balik but Eman can. Sambil bersiap-siap tu received another call from Abah. He’s gone. Innalillahi wainailahirajiun. Daripada Allah kita datang, kepada-Nya jua kita kembali. I didn’t really feel anything then but later, when seeing his lifeless body, I can hardly contain my tears.

Left Putrajaya around 9pm and reached his home around 12.30am. I saw the jenazah terbujur di ruang tamu but I didn’t go in to see him. Mak and Abah were there too. Later the children sampai. Sedih sangat tengok diorang coz they didn’t make it to see the father during his final hours. Around 2am we left the house and kat rumah instead of tidur, we (me and my sisters except Akak) mengenang kembali moment-moment indah bersama arwah. Sambil tergelak sambil menangis sampai ke pagi. Sampai bengkak-bengkak mata ni.

That morning, I saw Akak getting ready for school so I ask her whether she’ll be joining for the funeral or not. Terus dia menangis tanpa henti. Akak was deeply affected by Cik Halil’s passing. When Akak was still a toddler, it was Cik Ha (the wifey) yang tolong mengasuh dia. Cik Halil always refers to Akak as “anak Ayah” and he still calls Akak “baby” until to that last time that we met. He kept calling “baby, baby, baby” sambil melambai-lambai Akak but being a teenager, mestilah she’s kind of malu kan. And then last Saturday, Akak was so eager to see him and she even said that she’s going to call Cik Halil “Ayah”. Cik Halil memang refers to himself as Ayah but Akak never calls him that bila dah besar-besar ni. But due to some unforeseen circumstances, no one dapat teman Akak pegi melawat on that Saturday. So bila dapat call from Cik Ha on Sunday about Cik Halil yang tengah tenat, Akak terus menangis and they said she was worst than his own children. Menangis, menangis dan terus menangis. Everyone was there during his final hours except for some yang duduk jauh termasuklah me and his children. Akak was there when he took his final breath. And his final heartbeat too; the line went straight just like the one being showed in movies.

That morning walaupun dipujuk, Akak tetap nak ke sekolah. I guess she just too sad kot. But right before we left for his funeral, Akak call asking for us to pick her at school. So went off to pick her and terus ke rumah arwah. Kami terus ke surau and when we reached there, tengah buat solat jenazah. Later ke kubur untuk pengkebumian. Alhamdulillah semuanya berjalan dengan lancar. Ramai orang yang buat solat jenazah and ramai jugak yang menghantar ke kubur. Sedih sangat masa nak tinggalkan kubur tu coz I know I won’t be going to see him anymore.

Cik Halil was the only man (or person) that has wiped my tears. No one has done that to me, not then, not now except for that one time. At least he understands me. How I feels at that time. Biasalah sebagai remaja ni banyak betul cabarannya kan. I was having rows with Mak all the time. He was there to listen and to sooth the heartache. And I was not there when he’s sick. I feel so bad. But I can’t change anything no matter how remorse I felt. I can just hope and pray that he’ll be good there.

To Cik Halil, no matter how your life turns out to be during your final years, to me you’re still a good man. Thanks for everything. Semoga roh Cik Halil dicucuri rahmat dan ditempatkan di kalangan orang yang beriman. Amin.