Cerita luka MAKSPEN

So done on the best thing in Perlis, now ada sedikit keluhan yang nak dikongsikan bersama. I'm not trying to blame anyone nor pointing any finger cuma nak meluahkan segala yang terbuku di hati sejak beberapa hari ni. Lagipun benda tu pun dah lepas and buat or cakap la kot mana pun, nothing can change what happened there. Hati I agak terluka with what happened and for the time being, agak susah nak lupakan. No matter what people will say to justify the situation, in my opinion it still still an unfair thing to do. Full stop.

I've been training with the team since April. I've committed my time for the training, skipped the session only a few times due to work commitment. There were 7 of us; 5 players and 2 reserves. But according to the manager, she wanted everyone to play so we can experience from the real match. Betul la kan sebab training dengan real match memang tak sama. 

I'm not denying the fact the I'm not as good as the other 4 yang memang terer. Tapi I can still play la. Berjaya jugak sampai ke final step few times. And sebelum pergi ke Perlis, I've been told yang I akan jadi player. So gigih la I training lagi bila balik rumah sebab I tak nak la mengecewakan my team. Tak nak la diorang kalah sebab I yang tak terer main. Tapi lain yang dijanjikan, lain pulak yang berlaku.

On the first day of the match, 5 orang diturunkan sebagai pemain and I just reserved aje. Tak pe lah. Maybe diorang rasa I'm still not good enough. I pun ok je masa tu. First match our team kalah. Second pun kalah lagi. And third match pun sama je. Betul la apa orang kata. Training and real match memang tak sama. Semua yang terer-terer tu langsung tak perform. Tapi I don't blame them. Mungkin situasi tak menyebelahi our team. Maybe diorang gabra. Maklumlah ada yang first timer. Ada jugak yang bermasalah silau. Banyak sangat cahaya. Lagipun team from agensi memang terer-terer.

Like I mentioned earlier, sepatutnya all 5 games berlangsung on first day aje. Second day untuk semi finals and final. Tapi sebab each match berlarutan dengan agak lama (diorang estimate 30 minutes aje for each match tapi in reality ada yang more than an hour) so 2 of our match dibawa ke second day. Sebelum bersurai on the first day tu, diorang cakap I akan main untuk 2 match lagi tu. Wah seronok and tak sabar la pulak. 

However, what been promised and what happened is not the same. First match on the second day tu, I still jadi reserved. I was curious jugak tapi tak pe lah. Ada satu match lagi. And someone said I'll play masa last match. Tapi bila dah last match tu I still tak diberi peluang. Actually bukan I sorang la. We never changed player so both reserved memang tak de peluang langsung nak main. I tanya la kat pengurus kenapa tak kasi chance kat I and another reserved tu nak main. We're on the loosing end pun so no matter how we (me and another reserved) perform, memang tidak akan menjejaskan prestasi our team pun. She said memang she wanted both of us to play tapi ada pulak yang kalau kawan dia keluar then dia tak nak main.

Eh chop. Ni main geng-geng or as a team ni. I really couldn't get it la. Kecik hati I. I commited my time and effort all this while just to datang and jadi pemerhati aje. Such a waste of time. Kalau I tau baik I stay aje kat office and siapkan kerja-kerja I yang melambak tu. This is so unfair. I can understand kalau we're on winning side and tak nak la memperjudikan nasib dengan menurunkan player yang tak cekap macam I ni kan. But we're on the loosing side pun. Kenapa still tak diberi peluang. I tak faham and I tak boleh terima.

Winning is not everything. Yang penting experience tu. Kata pelapis kan. Pelapis apa macam ni. We didn't get any chance to feel and experience the real thing. I am really frustrated with what happened there. Buang masa dan tenaga hanya nak jadi pemerhati. The only thing I ever did there pun jadi placard holder aje lah. Itu pun kalau dikira sebagai sumbangan la kan. If not I ni cuma sebagai pencukup quorum, penyibuk, pemerhati or whatever yang sesuai aje lah. 

On the last match tu, I dah rasa macam nak blah aje from the dewan. Tunggu pun buat apa kan. Lebih menambahkan frust. Tapi I tunggu la jugak sampai habis and then terus cabut. I didn't say anything pun to the team. It hurts so much to be treated like that. Diorang cakap nak tubuhkan persatuan batu seremban la apa la kan. If before I memang excited, now I rasa I tak mau lagi dikaitkan dengan batu seremban ke apa ke. Lebih baik I stay with my fun run aje. At least I gembira doing that and no one will blame me even if I'm the last one to arrive.  

By sharing this I hope situasi yang sama tak kan berlaku lagi di mana-mana games pun. Macam mana la sukan nak maju kalau asyik nak bergeng-geng aje kan. Kita semua pergi as a team. So kena la bersatu sebagai one team jugak. Semua orang perlu diberi equal opportunity to show their talent. Kalau tengok performance our team, even yang terer pun tak dapat perform. So it's not about you terer or not but it's how you handle the pressure. Kalau terer tapi gabra memanjang tak jadi jugak kan. Oh another thing is, don't give false hope sebab it hurts so damn much bila mengharap tapi harapan punah di tengah jalan. Cewah ayat tak boleh blah. Hehehe.... 

So lepas ni I will not join anymore games. Ingatkan main permainan traditional ni kuranglah pressurenya. It seems mana-mana games pun memang macam tu and I'm not cut to be in that situation kot. Kalau I nak join pun lepas ni maybe merentas desa je lah. Tu pun kalau larat. If not, this would be my first and last MAKSPEN.    

p/s: We lost on all 5 match and I don't even know who won the first place. Malas nak amik tau after what happened.