Just thinking aloud

When I first started this blog, I intend to write just for myself. Then a friend stumbled upon it. And later more friends. Strangers pun ada. The blog content is mostly about me and things happened around me from my point of view. Ok sometimes I do write about others too especially family members and certain friends. I described it as "journey of self discovery" not for nothing ye.

As a normal human being, I got plenty of feelings from time to time and I shared most of it here. Ok not all ye. I do keep some things to myself especially things related to the heart. Eh all feelings pun related to the heart kan. Ok ada la certain matters related to the heart that I keep to myself only or certain matters that are strictly for the ears of my closest friends only. But then almost everything else adalah diluahkan di sini. Suka duka kelakar geram marah. Semua ada.

Sometimes I am so pissed off with somebody and I share it here. Sometimes I am so hurt by somebody and I share it here too. When things like this happened, I normally try not to disclose everything about that somebody even the gender. Tu yang ada "that friend" tu. Only "that friend" knows itupun kalau dia baca la kan. 

But lately I don't have that freedom to write anymore. Too many heart to jaga. I might write about something for the fun of it but suddenly ada pulak hati yang terasa. Come on. I know who read my blog (ok maybe not all) and takkan la I would purposely write something about those friends dengan niat nak mengata or something kan. Itu namanya nak cari nahas. But the again when it is something related to the heart, it is very hard to predict. I rasa kelakar but not the other party. Hish susah la ini macam.

The way I see it, ada beberapa pandangan about this matter. First, this is my blog, my territory so I can write anything I want as long as I don't go beyond the rules by SKMM kan. If you feel offended with its content then silalah jangan baca lagi. It's not me who force you to read kan.

Second, ok maybe I should not write about anyone else anymore. But then again, I am not living in this world all by myself. Bosan la macam tu. Maybe I should be more tolerance. But how to? Takkan la nak buat draft and hantar dulu untuk semakan pihak-pihak berkaitan before publishing it? This is not a magazine or something nak kena ada tapisan bagai kan. Sigh.... this is difficult la.

Third, I can go private. Puas hati semua orang. But not me la. Although my existence or disappearance is hardly noticed but still ada a few friends or strangers yang enjoyed reading my ramblings yang entah apa-apa ni. This is where I put everything about myself, not in FB. So got few friends yang baca this blog to just to keep track of me. Jadi agak kesian la jugak kalau I go private sebab nanti nak kena log in la pulak bila nak baca. Blogging and reading a blog does not supposed to make you difficult. Ini adalah untuk fun-fun sahaja.

Sigh.... entah la. I don't know what to think anymore. To be honest, I was a bit hurt with few friends yesterday. All night long I was thinking about going private first thing in the morning. But then this morning walaupun masih terasa I think I should just asked before going private.

So, should I go private or not? Actually time tengah terasa sangat ni memang la rasa nak go private kan. Kejap lagi dah ok mesti tak jadi ni. Hehehe.... We'll se how la. If I suddenly went private maknanya my heart masih terluka. If not, then I'm over it already.

Kenapa lately hati ni terasa sedih, hiba, sayu, kecik ati dan sebagainya? Rasa down aje..... Tak best la rasa macam ni.