Where has all the feelings gone......

I think I have lost the enthusiasm is my work. Like seriously losing it. It makes me feel sungguh berdosa because I don’t deserved to keep the earning based on my daily works. I spend more time doing other thing than my own work. Thus I got pending stuff here and there. It’s not like before where I used to have sleepless night thinking about works. Now I got to work but the feeling isn’t there anymore. I came to work just for the sake of coming to work. I not someone who like to play truant so I’m not starting it now no matter how I feel everyday at work. Macam zombie pun ada.

I have great plans before. I want to do this and that. In fact early this year I already makes plan for things I wanted to do each month. But I haven’t done anything yet. I now move very slowly. It is so frustrating ok. Frustrating because I know I can get work done if I have my mind on it. I’ve made many changes before. The asset management are getting way much better than before. I still have many things I wanted to do before I left this job for the next officer. But how am I going to do and achieve all the targets if I just don’t have the motivation to carry on?

Maybe because I keep doing all the same routine day in day out. Preparing all the same letters, memos, reports and attending all the same meeting discussing all the same agenda. If you know me long enough you’ll know that I can’t stay at the same environment for too long. Maybe it’s due to my life before where I hardly stay or do the same things for more than 3-4 years. It would be either moving to new home, new schools, new work and all. I constantly need to move on with new thing. Should I consider applying for transfer? Ntah la labu… pening dah fikir ni.

How Mak can work for 35 (ke 36 or 37) years and still counting really amazed me. Maybe because she have commitments kot. Something I don’t have. If you have commitments, you have to just swallow everything and keep the life going strong for everyone you are committed too. Kan…. so nak commit to what eh? Buy house? New car? Macam tak je coz yang sekarang pun tak termampu ada hati pulak nak tambah eh.

Again…. should I apply for transfer? Should I or should I not? Or should I apply to further my study? Tsk…. Now you know why I love DPA so much eh....