The happier times before falling sick

Ada banyak lagi cerita tahun lepas yang terpending so mari la kita rewind sikit cerita-cerita itu. I balik Kuantan on the last week of 2011 sebab nak menguruskan pasal Akak pulak. Tapi yang tu next entry la eh. Kasi special sikit. On the same time, dapat tau yang Dik Man masuk asrama. Alahai sedih la pulak sebab tak dapat hantar dia. Yes I know he's barely 15 minutes away from home but you know me la kan, mesti nak get involve in everything. Yang I kata sampai je Kuantan malam-malam terus keluar tu sebab pegi beli barang Dik Man and hantar kat hostel dia. Ye la terkejut tergempar je masuk hostel so banyak la barang tak sempat nak beli.

On the way back tu biasa la sembang-sembang dengan Abah kan. Tetibe Abah cakap Ayum ada bagitau yang I tak suka sebenarnya Dik Man masuk asrama. I memang mengaku la kan. Abah kata sapa tak sedih nak berpisah dengan anak tapi demi kebaikan jugak. Lagipun perjalanan Dik Man ke poli tu bahaya, banyak lori besar and anak kawan Abah selalu je accident kat situ. I nak menangis masa sembang-sembang tu tapi tahan aje. Air mata dah bertakung-takung dah. Hahaha..... Ok la the first few days tu I admit I memang sedih sebab Dik Man masuk asrama. Bila dia balik kejap and I hantar dia ke depan pintu pun I dah rasa sebak-sebak. Padahal hari-hari je jumpa pun. Hehehe..... Tapi I rasa betul la cakap Abah tu. Untuk kebaikan dia jugak. And nanti akan ada perpisahan yang lebih jauh and lagi berat untuk Mak Abah. Tu nanti lagi sedih kan.

Yang kelakar tu, Jumaat malam I dah jumpa Dik Man kat hostel kan. Then Sabtu pagi dia balik rumah kejap. Masa dia nak balik tu la I sebak-sebak. Padahal tengah hari tu kitorang keluar sama. Bila fikirkan balik entah pape je kan. Over je. Hehehe..... So Saturday noon tu I keluar dengan Akak, Adah and Angah. Dik Man dah tunggu kat town. Nak beli barang-barang for Akak and Dik Man and nak belanja makan ayam penyet.

Nabila, Dik Bila, Bella and finally Angah

Akak and Dik Man. Suddenly Dik Man looks so grown up

Me and Adah yang tak sabar nak makan ayam penyet

Over tau Adah ni. Tak padan dengan berat, nak feeling-feeling Korea pulak. Hahaha.....

Mujur le Pak Man rajin nak melayan

Suka la tuuuu.....

Eeee ayam penyet kat Megamall tu tak sedap langsung. Jauh beza dengan yang I selalu makan kat sini. Tak puas hati pulak belanja diorang makan tapi tak sedap. Tak pe next kita pegi makan sushi plak eh. Dok kat rumah tak buat apa sangat pun. Just kemaskan beg Akak je. Banyak barang nak kena bawak tapi cuma boleh bawak 2 beg aje. Mujur la I ni terer bab-bab packing-memacking ni. Hehehe......

The next day kami pegi tengok tapak rumah. Progress agak cepat la jugak. Maybe sebelum puasa nanti dapat la pindah rumah baru. Insya Allah.... Rupa-rupanya bukan senang nak buat rumah ni eh. Macam-macam hal. Kesian Abah kena handle sorang-sorang. Assistant dah nak pegi jauh pulak tu. Hai nanti ada la yang kerinduan tuuuu....

Kat tapak rumah

Penghuni kongsi sedang merenung nasib diri.....

Pemantauan kawasan ke????

Lepas tengok tapak rumah kitorang ke bandar kejap. On the way back tu asyik la cakap nak makan durian la apa la. So Abah pun singgah la pegi beli buah. Tapi tak banyak yang ada so beli sikit aje. Jadi la kan nak merasa sorang sikit.

Gembira nak makan buah

Orang nak pegi training

Orang bakal pegi jauh

Yeay yeay Mak Abah beli buah!!!

Beli buah apa la tu????

Abah beli rambutan and durian

Ok jom balik

Balik rumah makan buah and lepak-lepak aje. Esok tu Akak nak pegi lapor diri and esok jugak I sakit teruk. Dah puas bersuka-suki sakit la pulak eh. Nasib badan la labuuuu.....

New year, new beginning

Lama tak bercerita kat sini. Jiwa kacau sikit. Hahaha..... Too many thing happened lately sampai dah tak keruan dah. Tapi masih waras la ye. Belum gila lagi. Hehehe.... Anyway, it's been 2 weeks already since the worst health scare and I'm still recovering but the cramp is still there sometimes. I've finished the antibiotics, the whitish thingy at my tongue is fading, no more sweating at night but the vein is still sore. Dah lama tak pakai jam sebab the last cucukan was at my wrist kan. Kalau gerak banyak sikit then sakit le urat-urat yang kecederaan hari tu. Hopefully everything will get better in time.

2012 ni banyak betul kejutan dan dugaan. Mula-mula sakit teruk sampai warded 4 hari. Then dapat berita pertukaran ke new department. After almost 5 years doing the same thing, I wanted out. I love the job. I still do but banyak sangat benda yang berlaku yang menyebabkan I decided that I need new environment. Lagipun bila dah lama sangat ni, all my creative juice semua dah habis dicurahkan. Dan kita akan jadi sort of complacent la kan. So sebelum menjadi liabiliti baik la tukar.

I remember I specifically said that I do not want to go to this department tapi itulah department yang I kena transfer. Nasib la kan. Kalau ikut rasa kecewa, memang sangat kecewa. Rasa macam keluar mulut harimau masuk mulut buaya. Memang frust gila. Tapi setiap sesuatu yang berlaku tu ada hikmahnya. So everyday I berdoa dan memohon supaya diberi kekuatan supaya melihat hanya yang baik-baik dan positif aje. I still whine a lot but deep inside asyik la berdoa yang terbaik. Manusia ni biasa la kan. Tak reti nak bersyukur. Asyik la nak mengomel. Sedar tu tapi biasa la kan. Hehehe.....

After 5 years, tipu la kalau I kata I tak sedih nak keluar tapi ada benda yang menyebabkan hati ni keras dan tak menangis. Rasa sebak aje tapi boleh control. Keras hati betul. Kadang-kadang I ni cengeng terlebih tapi kadang-kadang memang keras hati jugak. Paling sedih nak tinggalkan bos yang sangat la baik itu dan bilik yang cantik pemandangannya. Bilik I sekarang horror gila ok. Nak tinggalkan office lama tak la sesedih malihat bilik baru I. Yang tu serious rasa nak menangis ok. Mentang-mentang la I'm not pegawai aset lagi, bilik pun hampas aje eh. Sedih I tau. Sobs...sobs....

Hari ni first day kat office baru. Tetibe kena join bukak tender. I ni tak boleh angkat benda berat-berat. Tambah lagi dengan tangan yang sakit kena cucuk tu. Terasa macam diva pulak bila kena mintak tolong a staff untuk angkat dokumen tender yang ada sampai 2 jengkal tebalnya. I tak mau jadi liabiliti atau beban pada orang tapi dalam masa yang sama kalau sakit I yang kena tanggung sorang-sorang kan. Bukan boleh share kasi orang lain rasa kan. So terpaksa la ye. Rasa macam tak sedap hati. Maybe I'm too conscious ke apa tapi I memang macam ni. Risau je kalau menyusahkan orang. Maaflah ye kalau you all rasa I ni tetibe menjadi diva pulak mengada-ngada tak nak angkat berat-berat ni. I've got a reason. Nanti I cerita kenapa.

Hoih penatnya la. Penat jiwa dan raga. Hehehe..... Sila sabar la ye mendengar rintihan hati orang tua sensitif ni. Kasi la chance..... Hehehe..... Ok la nanti sambung.

The aftermath

Selepas sesi penuh kesakitan di hospital, masa untuk membaikpulih la pulak ye. Hari tu eksyen. Kata sehari je MC dah ok. Ok bukan la eksyen tapi dok la terfikir pasal office tu. Ye ye saya tau saya tak perlu memikirkan sangat pasal kerja ni. Tapi saya memang macam ni. Risau aje kalau-kalau saya akan menyusahkan orang lain.

Anyway, since keluar hospital tu, saya rasa lemah dan tak bermaya. Maybe sebab dehydrated kot. Dah asyik ke toilet aje. At least kalau kat hospital ada drip kan. Dok hospital 4 hari tak tau berapa banyak botol air masuk badan ni guna IV drip. Bila dah keluar tu, nak kena suapkan sendiri air kat mulut so memang lambat sket la kan. Dah la makan bubur je. Mana la nak kenyang. Habis solid pun makan roti. Ok ada la few times makan nasi tapi tak banyak la. Makan pun penat tau. Entah apa yang dipenatkan tak tau la.

Sakit perut masih ada but not as bad macam masa mula-mula la. I can feel something moving inside. Contoh kan kalau nak passed gas ke. Nanti terasa-rasa benda bergerak dalam perut and sakit la bila rasa tu. Pastu ok. Kiranya I can feel my bowel movement la kot. Sakit macam cramp tapi bergerak sakit tu. Entah la tak reti nak describe.

I kan bertukar IV point sampai 3 kali. So tangan I ni still terasa sakitnya. First few days rasa sakit dan lenguh semacam. Sekarang cuma sakit kat area vein yang kena cucuk tu je lah. Kalau gerak lebih-lebih memang terasa sakitnya. Ingat lagi dulu masa warded sebab acute appendicitis tu. Drip kering berapa kali so lepas keluar hospital my vein bengkak teruk. Besar pulak tu. Orang kata masuk angin. Yang kali ni pun boleh terasa ketulan kat vein tu. Hai macam-macam. Masuk hospital sebab sakit perut tapi banyak pulak tempat lain yang kena tempiasnya.

Pastu my tongue rasa tebal semacam. Putih pulak tu. Padahal I gosok my tongue tapi still ada putih-putih tu. Mula-mula macam sakit tapi sekarang dah tak la cuma rasa tak selesa. Ada weird taste plak tu. Yuks. I'm on antibiotic kan. Nurses kat sana kata antibiotic I ni kuat-kuat. Masuk ikut IV drip pun still terasa-rasa kat tekak ni. Now that I makan yang pill types punya lagi la. Ada very strong aftertaste macam makan petai aje. I breath and swallow the bad and weird taste. Memang tak selesa. Mulut pun crack kat tepi. Tak boleh le nak nganga sangat. Tak bagi cakap banyak la tu. Or ketawa kuat-kuat. Hehehe.... Tapi nak makan sakit wooo.....

Tidur malam berpeluh-peluh walaupun fan full blast. I think my body is fighting the infection kot. Macam orang demam tu la. Lepas berpeluh-peluh baru la kebah. So tidurku tak lena you. Asyik terjaga aje tengah malam. Tak pelah. As long as boleh sembuh seperti sediakala kita sabar je lah kan. Ada orang lagi siksa. Lagi teruk sakitnya, lagi lama menanggungnya so setakat macam ni kena la redha. Lagipun kan sakit ni ujian Allah. Dan penghapus dosa. So harap-harap banyaklah dosa-dosa yang telah terampun sepanjang sakit ni.

Hari tu balik Kuantan, I drove myself. Alone plak tu. Merempit-rempit I kat highway tu. Hehehe.... Pastu after a long distance trip malam tu sempat lagi ke sana ke mari. Bak kata my siblings la. Kak Ngah tu mana tau penat. Hah sekarang amik nak. Semua benda memenatkan. Bang Long and Eman balik Kuantan semata-mata nak amik I balik. Kesian diorang. Terpaksa menyusahkan. Pastu dah sampai Putrajaya I dah tak larat. Letih gila. Perut pun sakit.

Tu le hari tu kata tak payah cuti lama-lama sebab masa tu tak terasa sakit or penat. So patutnya semalam dah start keje tapi tak larat sangat. Today pun dah siap iron baju mandi semua tapi pastu penat. Sorry boss. Ingat dah boleh masuk keje. Udah le time nak meeting besor kan. Tapi dengan berita terkini lagi sensasi rasanya I dah tak perlu memikirkan sangat pasal meeting besor tu. Kena fikir pasal meeting lain pulak. Tak tau la apa nasib masuk keje esok.

Masa nak balik hari tu I rasa tak sedap hati. Risau aje. Ye lah I ni kan dok sorang. Kot apa-apa jadi kan payah. So for the time being Mamat and Eman akan stay at my place. Tapi macam kesian la pulak. Rumah I bukan ada Astro ke, Streamyx ke. Komputer pun takat netbook cinonet ni hah. Mesti diorang bosan tahap cipan kan. Dah la tak masak untuk diorang. Apa punya kakak ni. Hehehe..... terima kasih la sebab sudi menemankan kakakmu yang banyak songeh ni ye.

Eh patutnya I kena habiskan antibiotic I by today. Tapi hari tu one whole day skip makan ubat. How eh? Makan semua terus today or makan je ikut aturan sampai habis? Yang pasti antibiotic ni kena habiskan. Berusahalah!!!

Kuantan Specialist Hospital - Day 4

Sorry lambat pulak continue the story. Kind of weak and easily tired la nowadays. Ok back to my hospitalization story. I had another sleepless night. Keep frequenting the toilet every few minutes until I have no more energy to do so. Penat ok. And the nurses keep coming also checking on me. "Ada buang air tak?" Asyik la tanya soalan tu. Banyak kali sampai dah tak larat dah misi oooiii.

After a certain stage, the nurses asked me to call them to check on the stool. Ok I don't think it can be called a stool anymore. Like I said I can't differentiate between passing motion or urinating so faham-faham je lah kan. The routine was for me to visit the toilet, let the "thing" there (no flushing), press the button to call for nurses, they came and went in to check the "thing" and do the flushing for me. Wah macam raja-raja pulak eh. Eh I'm not saying that raja tak flush toilet ye.

Each time they said there's still some residue or something so they asked to drink more water. The colon had to be clean with nothing at all on the wall. If not they can't really see it during endoscopy. Fine. Ni kira macam sental dengan clorox la ni eh. Kasi bersih dan berkilat. Hingga menciutkan. Oh actually I didn't finish off the drinks. Only managed to finish the first jug only. Sampai nak termuntah-muntah ok. So I plead with Jannah to just throw the second jug away. Can't take it anymore. At first she didn't want to but after endless pleading lastly she did it. Baru sejug dah seteruk itu membuang just imagine if 2 jugs. Terus flat la kot. Anyway lastly the said it's good enough for endoscopy. Fuh.....

Waiting anxiously to be wheeled off to OT

Dr. Ngun came for his morning routine and said he'll do both for me; gastroscopy and colonoscopy. Gastroscopy is a procedure where endoscopic camera is inserted via mouth while for colonoscopy, the endoscopic camera is inserted via anus. Told him that I was so traumatized by nasogastric intubation but he said not to worry. I will not feel a thing this time. I'll be under sedative. If that the case then ok la. As long as I don't have to underwent anything consciously then I'll be ok la kot.

We had to wait for the OT availability. It was around 1pm when 2 nurses came with the bed. Gulp. Although I won't feel a thing but still anything can happen right. They wheeled me into OT, sprayed something inside the throat, made me lie on my left side, injected me with sedative, put the mouth guard on and let the sedative took action before starting off with the procedure. I was terkebil-kebil for few minutes kot before became unconscious. It felt like a dream; of them talking, a slight pain here and there, of me moaning before I came back to reality. It was a quick procedure. I was kind of mamai-mamai kot after that.

Helping Jannah to browse latest entertainment gossips. Sempat lagi eh....

Kena tunjuk muka ceria sikit padahal dalam hati Allah je yang tau

They wheeled me back to my room and let me rest. Nothing much happened after that until Dr. Ngun evening visit. He said everything was fine and he couldn't find anything wrong during both procedure. He gave me a copy of the whole process in a CD. Haven't watch it yet. Since he couldn't find anything beside the high white blood cells indicating the infection, his final diagnostic is acute colitis and gastroenteritis. In simple term, infection to the colon. Although I was still in doubt because it was not an isolated case, selalu je sakit macam tu so takkan lah asyik kena infection aje colon ni but let just hope that was it. Hopefully there's nothing serious. Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku, jauhkan lah aku dari sebarang penyakit yang merbahaya. Amin.

It was around 9pm before I finally discharged with a whole bunch of antibiotics. My takaful covers only for Dr. Ngun case and I have to pay for Dr. Suraya. It cost me almost RM400 for a simple ultrasound. Total bill for Dr. Ngun was RM4,298.50. Syukurlah covered if not menangis nak bayar tu.

A whole bunch of medications

No solid food, eat porridge, no dairies related, drink a lot of plain water or barley and rest. That was Dr. Ngun parting advice. Seems like I'm a bad patient coz the very next day I ate nasi dagang for breakfast but later porridge day in day out ok. I guess I have to be extra careful with my food intake. Who knows I might have extra sensitive stomach ke apa hence all the pain. Anyway, terima kasih atas semua doa dan ingatan. I feel loved by many. Doakanlah yang terbaik for me ok. Hopefully no more pain like this. Insya Allah.

Kuantan Specialist Hospital - Day 3

I'm quite pro in brushing my teeth and washing my face with my left hand already. There's something annoying but quite funny in a way happened. I used a facial sponge to wash my face. It's white in colour. Leave it in the bathroom together with my other toiletries. On the 2nd day, I saw my white sponge has turn yellowish with few orange spot. Smell it and it smelt like curry. Apparently somebody has used it to wash the dishes. Yikes! It's a Bodyshop facial sponge okkk..... Sabar je lah......

Mak left after Dr. Ngun morning visit and came back later in the evening. Apparently I'm still in pain although not as bad as before and although I haven't allowed any foods nor drinks, my tummy was still quite bloated. Buncits. So Dr. Ngun scheduled for my endoscopy procedure on the next day. It was a pretty quiet day with nothing much to do but not a quiet as in noise. Abah said those peoples might be living near the ocean kot. Hahaha..... Possible jugak right. You have to shout against the sea waves.

In the evening, the nurses came with Dulcolax. A strong laxative pills to clear the stomach, intestines and colon. Later on they gave me a jug filled with a sour water to be finish off in 2 hour. Also for colon cleansing.

Colon cleansing drink

My swollen right wrist

My right hand is so swollen that antibiotic drip send a sharp pain right up to the elbow. I felt the pain since day 2 but I just down want to be pricked again so just suck it up until I can't stand it anymore. So the nurses decided to change it to the other hand. I had crossed vein at my left hand and it was a really painful one right from the start. Normally you only feel pain when being pricked and few minutes later you'll get used to it. But not this time. Can't describe the pain but it's the second worst pain after the nasogastric intubation. Minus the stomach cramp la kan.

Kak Sobir came to visit me. But she can't stay long for she had class to attend. Miss her bubbly personality. We've been roommate in UiTM Shah Alam and housemate when I work in KL. She gave me a book and chocolate. My favourite black forest but it's not for me to consume. Can smell it only like cerita P. Ramlee.

Kak Sobir. Missed her already

She gave me this. Ohhhh chocolate.... Can smell it only

New IV drip point at my left hand

New one and old one

The new IV point was so painful that the nurses stop the drip to ease the pain. But the pain is still too bad. I am not someone who can't stand pain so when I said it's painful meant it is really painful one. I guess it was almost 2 agonizing hour before they finally remove the needle. Mind you the pain didn't subsided until hours later ok. Mak witness it all. I got visitors again around 10pm. The kids and my siblings. Jannah came to relief Mak from her duty. And also another jug of colon cleansing drink.

Second jug of colon cleansing drink

The kids

Having fun eh

Cousins

Adah, Angah (Bella new name) and Meera

In a good mood it seems

Dik Manan who can't seem to stand still

Exploring every inch of the room

They left around 11pm and right before midnight, the nurses came to prick me again. It's back to my right hand and this time they choose the wrist. My blood gush out on the floor. Redha je lah with the pain. It took me quite sometime to adjust but at least it's not painful as the left hand. I keep visiting the toilet every few minutes that I can't differentiate between urinating and passing motion anymore. The nurses told me that they will clean my colon until there's only clear water came out. Or at least light yellow. Sorry too much detail. Siksanya lah......

Back to right hand

Frequenting toilet meaning sleepless night again. And I was so tired and weak from the whole process. How long will I have to endure???

Kuantan Specialist Hospital - Day 2

I was not able to sleep the whole night long. Nurses keep coming to change the drip bottle, taking my blood pressure and body temperature and also to pump the tube using a syringe. Jannah had to work that day so Hayat came with her clothes and I was left alone. Dr. Ngun came for morning check up and allowed for the tube to be remove. It was quite painful that I moaned aloud but it was rather quick and not as painful as inserting it. You just can't imagine how relief I felt then. Lega sangat-sangat.

Dr. Ngun said that so far all the test done came out with negative result except for my blood test. There seems to be high white blood cells indicating there's an infection somewhere. He need to check further. But there was something shocking about my x-ray result too. That will be reveal later.

I was sharing the room with an old lady with adult kids and a bibik to take care of her. The bibik was traumatized by the whole drama she heard last night that she kept checking on me. "Udah sihat ka? Syukur Alhamdulillah. Saya takuttt..." She said that each time. The family including the sick old lady was quite loud. Seems like they were shouting and not talking. My siblings that came last night also commented on the same thing. The only people that I don't hear the voice was the bibik. Well except when she's checking on me.

Later on I was wheeled into Dr. Ngun room for further check up. He did the ultrasound to check the abdomen but found nothing wrong. Another ultrasound to check on kidney. But the final one is the most embarrassing one. He inserted his index finger into my anus to check on the condition. Probed to few directions to check the problematic area. He prescribed for laxative and not long after I went back to my room, 2 nurses came with a bottle of liquid laxative with long nozzle. Oh no.... my anus kept being probed and insulted. I asked them if I can have the pill types but they said the pills one give slow result. Nak cepat aje eh. Same answer as when I asked about the suppository painkiller. They inserted the nozzle and it felt so uncomfortable. A few minutes later I had the urged to empty my bowel.

Abah came in the afternoon with Ayum. I had to fast so Abah and Ayum ate the meal provided. They said the meal was tasty. I kept visiting the toilet after that and I told Abah now I know how he felt. Abah kept having uncontrollable diarrhea lately.

Abah was so hungry because he was busy with many thing that he haven't had any meal yet

I was so hungry that I kept thinking on food I would like to eat. It doesn't help that the other patient and the whole family keep talking about foods all day long. Nasi dagang, nasi dagang, nasi dagang. Like seriously ok. I know you're from Terengganu but you don't have to talk about nasi dagang all day long. There's another patient sharing and paying for the room too. Then roti banjir with all the kuah. Sabar jelah. I wouldn't mind peoples eating in front of me while I'm fasting but I was almost starving here and these people doesn't seem to care at all. At least talk slowly la.

Mak came later at night to be with me. She took leave for 2 days. Besides the routine of changing saline drips with antibiotic drips, shots of antibiotic also via the IV point, checking on blood pressure and body temperature there's nothing much happened. It seems like antibiotic drips are quite painful compared to saline drips. I can feel it going into the veins. The nurses told me that this is due to antibiotic being thicker than saline. My right hand already swollen and sometimes there's a blockage that nurses need to sort of pumping the IV point. Quite painful but nothing as bad as the nasogastric intubation. I was given medication to help on flatulence but the pain seems still there.

During his evening round, Dr. Ngun suggested to do endoscopy but I was so traumatized by the nasogastric intubation that I said I don't want to do it. But Abah and Mak said I should just do it so they can check everything all at once. Even if I managed to skip it this time, there are possibilities that I might need to do it in future if I had the same pain attack again. I guess they are right. Furthermore, I always wanted to know the condition of my internal organ like digestive system and reproductive system since I always had this abdominal pain. Since the gynae said I have healthy womb so now it's about time for me to know about the stomach, colon and whatever is there inside. More diagnostic procedure for me eh.

My second night was quite ok. Managed to get some sleep. Hoping for a better tomorrow.

Kuantan Specialist Hospital - Day 1

My first entry for the new year and yet it's not something that I wish I would start a new year with. Actually I got many other interesting story to share but I should spare my friends from the misery of not knowing the situation I'm in now so I should start with the updates on my health first. Warning, there might be many gory details here so if you have weak stomach, you can stop reading now.

who knew me long enough knows that I always have problem with my stomach. Gastric, acute appendicitis, adhesion colic, period pain, diarrhea, constipation and sometimes I also not sure what is wrong with my stomach. I just know that I'm in pain. That's all. Having to endure a frequent painful stomach, I have adapt a tolerance towards the pain. I can just tahan it. No need for painkillers. Minyak angin or hot water bag will do.

But last Monday, as usual after my Subuh prayer I went to the kitchen to clean it up. I was doing the dishes when suddenly I felt as if my stomach being ripped. Sakit gila ok. But I just suck it up and continue finishing my morning routine. Akak is going for PLKN and I don't want to miss sending her off so until she's save inside the bus, I just have to tahan it. When she's boarded the bus and leave us, I started to have serious painful attack. Went home, eat breakfast and lie down most of the time. I can't move, I can't stand straight or even walk. Jannah help to massage my back and soles and the pain seems to low down a bit.

I was suppose to go back to Putrajaya in the evening but I was still in pain. The work is calling but the pain seems like it'll be longer than usual so Eman left without me. Tahan, tahan, tahan and until I did my Isya' prayer then only I said "let's go to hospital". I was so much in pain and can't move much so general hospital is not an option. It'll took hours to wait based on previous experience so I checked with my insurance agent and went to Kuantan Specialist Hospital instead. Jannah and Hayat send me there.

Everything was so fast there. Went in and immediately they sent me to emergency room. They took my urine for a test. Then a doctor came and checked on me but referred my case to a gynae. But before that they started the IV drip first and took my blood for another test. Dr. Suraya the gynae came and performed ultrasound diagnostic but found no cyst or anything related with reproductive system like the first doctor suspected and my womb is normal. For further diagnostic, I was admitted and they send me to room 223.

I can't seem to remember which one happened first but I was checked by Dr. Ngun and he ordered for a nasogastric intubation, did an x-ray and had a suppository pain killers inserted via my anus but I remember the final and most traumatic one; the nasogastric intubation; a procedure to remove stomach content like acid and gasses. Ya Allah it was the most painful thing I have to endure alive ever. I still feel traumatized by the procedure. 3 nurses came to perform the intubation and I immediately knew that this must be really painful ones. They had 2 sets of tube; 15mm and I can't remember the smaller one either 14mm or 12mm. Nurse 1 sprayed something inside my nostril and it was quite pedih. When they inserted the 15mm tube into my left nostril, Ya Allah I don't know how to describe but it was so painful that I moaned, cried and shouted. Aaaarrrrggghhh, uuurrggghhh, Ya Allahhhhh. Sakitnya hanya Allah yang tau. It was not even down at the throat yet before the tube can't go any further. They try to force it but it kind of stuck there and all the time I was crying and moaning and finally I said to just stop and change the tube.

I asked the nurses if we can just skip the intubation but they said no. I cried and cried and cried before finally courage up and said let's do it. So again they sprayed something inside my right nostril and this time they used the smaller tube but felt no different from the first one. So there goes another session of crying, moaning and shouting and this time much more worse than the earlier one. Again the tube stuck somewhere but they push it harder and finally it reached the throat where I started coughing until I vomited saliva and blood. I didn't saw it but Jannah who was there to accompany me saw the whole thing.

The room which was quite noisy before became a complete silent. While coughing and vomiting I can hear the nurses said, "alamak ada darah la", "terkena kat lung ke?, "merahnya muka dia", "tegakkan kepala" bla...bla..... Nurse 1 keep inserting the tube, Nurse 2 help to massage my back while holding something to hold the vomit. I keep vomiting that Nurse 3 took one big plastic bag to hold the saliva and blood. Jannah said there was a lot of blood. The air-conditioned room became so hot that I was wet in my own sweat.

Finally the tube passed my throat and the nurses told me to keep swallowing so that the tube can went down into my stomach. I was so much in pain but I just did it and keep swallowing and can feel the tube moving down. Fuh even writing this make me traumatized again. Finally it's over but I was still in so much pain mainly at my nostril and throat. Difficult to breath and swallowing. I was uncontrollably moaning aloud and crying. Right after the procedure end, Mak and few of my siblings arrived. Syukurlah Mak was spared from the trauma of seeing her daughter underwent that painful procedure. If not she would be traumatized as well. Jannah was the only one who was brave enough to be with me. Hayat ran outside in fear. The nurses keep apologizing to cause me so much pain. Kesian diorang. One of them even said, "saya rasa bersalah la". So you can imagine how bad it was.

The tired me

The bag that was supposed to collect acid and gas from the stomach

The first IV drip point

They were cracking jokes but nothing will take away the pain it seems

I keep crying because of the pain and even forced Jannah and Mak to ask the nurses to remove the tube. I can stand the stomach cramp but not the tube. But of course la they won't remove it right. They just gave me painkillers and I was so tired from the procedure that I was kind of dozed on and off. Everyone went home around 1am leaving Jannah to stay with me. I can't really sleep because of the pain at my nostril and throat due to the tube. The room was quite warm too since the other patient can't stand air-condition. Going to toilet with IV drip is another hassle but syukurlah the toilet was just a few step away from my bed.

What a long, tiring and painful day for me. When others were dreading or looking forward to start working on a new year, I was dreading another day being warded and the works that I left behind in office.