Kenapa tak boleh ni?

Office sunyi je hari ni coz everyone went to kursus Bebas Stress. Yelah tu boleh bebas stress. Ni ada sorang yang tengah stress yang tertinggal kat office ni hah. Komputer I ni macam ada problem la. Dah berapa hari dah sampai naik stress I hari ni. Nak buka satu-satu fail atau folder tu, boleh kira sampai seratus lah. Internet pun manjang cannot find server. Nak je ketuk-ketuk motherboard ni tapi nanti rosak sape lak nak menjawabnya.

Ntah apa lah masalah kat Kementerian ni. Komputer asyik berproblem aje. Lembab la, internet down la, e-mel problem la. Nak tukar komputer boleh tak huh? Masa baru balik DPA hari tu, siap tukar hard disc lagi sebab corrupt. Habih gambar-gambar DPA yang ditumpang sekejap dalam tu sementara nak transfer dalam lappy gone. Frust btoi la. Ni ntah apa masalah la plak ni.

Ke blogger yang ada problem ek? Sebab nak bloghop je mesti server not found. Dah seminggu dah ni. Kira kena buka tutup banyak kali barulah dapat singgah satu. Ni dah seratus kali click baru dapat sign in. Hadoi laaaaa.

Yippeeee....yeay

Alhamdulillah. Everything went well today. You can never feel how relieve I am when I reached office just now. Thank God for answering my prayer.

This morning, on the way to JKR, I took out my notebook and pretend that I’m busy with things for the meeting. Read every pages of it and siap kerut-kerut dahi lagi ok. I try to look as serious as I can. It felt silly coz I was actually looking at my scribbles on previous meeting that I attend. Ntah ape-ape yang I tulis. The traffic was slow so I arrived there just in time for the meeting. No extra time for breakfast. I like!

On the way back, I read newspaper and didn’t say anything. Normally we; me and the driver would have breakfast and lunch together but today I didn’t offer nor say anything about it. And I am normally very chatty too during the journey to on fro. But this time I'm very quiet; can even count the word I said ok. It might make me look bad in his eyes but for the first time, I don’t care on what people would think of me. Hahaha… (evil laugh). Bottom line is; I’m soooo happy.

I smile all the way from lobby to my workstation ok. I know I’m crazy….. hahahaha….

Again syukur Alhamdulillah to Allah for answering my prayer. I can never thank enough….

Styer, Vector & M16

Eh ada pertandingan menembaklah. Macam best je. I memang minat bab-bab menembak ni.

1st time belajar menembak masa training nak jadi Komander. Masa tu join Unit Kesatria UiTM Shah Alam. Training selama 2 minggu kat kem tentera Kuala Lipis, Pahang. 2 minggu beb tapi tak de la separuh mati macam kat PULADA tu. Masa tu guna senapang Styer. Dah la rabun, tak bawak spec plak tu. Dapat paling tinggi dalam line tapi tak ingat berapa and tak lah paling tinggi semua sekali kan.

Menembak guna Styer ni 2 kali je, sekali training and sekali masa pertandingan. Masa tu muda and kurus lagi so badan tu bertenaga la sket kan. Kene lari berapa kilometre ntah, pastu rempuh halangan; masa kat PULADA ada contoh rempuh halangan tu. Ada panjat tembok, terjun tembok, monkey rack, tangga kambing, jambatan gantung, tunnel, macam-macam lah. Pastu terus kena menembak. Giloss kan. Penat beb. Siap melecet siku ni sebab masa buat monkey rack tu I terjatuh and basah lenjun. Dah tu kene menembak posisi baring kat simen yang kasar. Dia punya ledakan tu kuat sampai tergesel-gesel ok. Yang tak tahan tu, I dah keletihan sangat-sangat sebab berlari and buat rempuh halangan tu so masa nak cekah tu, memang dah tak larat langsung. Cekah ni ialah tarik ada satu benda kat laras tu untuk masukkan peluru dalam laras tu. So kena la mintak tolong kat tentera tu. Esoknya sakit belakang. Tapi bestlah. Oh masa tu umur 19 tahun.

2nd time menembak ialah masa kat Maktab Polis tahun lepas. 10 years after my 1st shooting experience. Masa ni menembak guna pistol Vector. I scored 96 over 100 ok. 2 je peluru yang terkeluar dari sasaran. Yang frust tu, terkeluar tapi tak jauh. Dekat je ngan garisan masuk tu. Kalau tak dah boleh score full mark kan. Tapi tak pelah coz I pun memang tak aimed nak dapat full mark. Dapat 96 tu pun macam tak sangka.

3rd time menembak guna senapang M16 kat PULADA. Pun tahun lepas jugak. Guna M16 ni kira banyak kali jugak lah. Sekali masa introduction, sekali masa ambush, and 3 kali masa pertandingan. Masa ambush tu, I macam terkejut dengan kebolehan I mengawal senjata dalam masa yang terdesak tu. Half way menembak, peluru tersangkut. I boleh buat balik apa yang tentera tu ajar in case peluru tersangkut and teruskan menembak balik. Kagum betullah ngan diri sendiri masa tu.

Kalau ikutkan, I was in my lowest point masa tu. Kan I penah cerita I jatuh tangga masa kat PULADA tu kan. Dah la kaki I sakit, siap kena buat squat jump ntah berapa ratus kali, tepuk lalat pun berapa ratus kali and pumping pun beratus-ratus kali. I was in so much pain sampai I menangis tersedu-sedu ok. Never in my life I would show my weaknesses ok. Sampai satu tahap I dah tak boleh tahan and ada member papah pegi kat khemah sick bay tu. Bukak boot and baru lah terkejut tentera tu tengok kaki I yang bengkak dan lebam tu.

Esok paginya, setelah 48 jam tak tido, I kena pegi buat latihan menembak plak ok. Bayangkan 48 jam tak tido. Macam bengong rasanya. Tapi I memang focus gilalah masa menembak tu. Lepas menembak, kena berbaris depan pegawai tu untuk dibagitau markah kan. Pegawai tu siap kutuk-kutuk I sebab I kan menangis malam tu. Sekali bila dapat tau I scored 100 point, terkejut pegawai tu. Hah tulah jangan tau kutuk aje. Hehehe… actually I pun terkejut jugak tapi sekali lagi I kagum dengan kebolehan diri I ni. Memang I tak sangka pun.

Yang tak tahan tu, lepas dapat tau score I, pegawai tu cakap;

Hah mak sidang, ko tau nak dapat markah sorang aje ek. Langsung tak tolong anak buah engkau. Tengok tok sidang tu, dia siap tolong lagi anak buah yang lain.

I was like hah(?) Nak tolong camana kan. Pelik betullah. Sudahnya I kena gak denda. Padahal orang lain yang score full mark tak kena denda pun. Sabar jelah. Lepas tu I tanya lah tok sidang. Apa yang dia tolong orang lain. Rupa-rupanya dia tersalah sasaran. Dia pi tembak orang lain punya sasaran. Cesss

Oh lepas tu ada berlawan antara pelatih and tentera tu. I joint 2 round. 1st round menang and 2nd round kalah. Tapi ok lah kan. At least selepas kejadian yang memalukan malam tu, I telah berjaya membuka mata tentera tu. Walaupun I asyik menangis aje but still I ada kebolehan ok. Yang kelakar tu, ada sorang jurulatih tu cakap;

Barulah aku tau kenapa diorang lantik engkau jadi mak sidang.

Hahaha… tak de kaitan ok. Tu secara kebetulan aje.

Macam nak masuk je pertandingan menembak ni tapi kena bayar la plak. Ish ni yang malas sket ni. Dah la ekonomi tak berapa memberansangkan. Hmmm… rugilah kan. Sure best kalau dapat join.

The better half

I had a long talk with Yus just now. We talk on many things, mainly on her wedding prep. But there’s one thing that I want to share with you all. It’s about the one whom we chose to be our better half.

Yus got high taste so we thought the man of her choice would be someone of high class too. But how wrong we were when she revealed that her future man is only a primary school teacher. Actually she admitted that she also never thought that she would choose this man instead of other high class suitor. What would others think of her? Low class? No taste at all? And by saying this, I'm not on any way reagards that teaching is of low class career ok.

But I told her not to worry. For the man whom we choose actually reflects ourselves. Some people are perceived as gedik, social, huru-hara, active, high class and all. And we always thought their other half would be of the same traits too. But when they choose to settled down, the choice is somewhat very different; sometimes.

Actually their chosen ones reflect their inner self. That’s why we would see some nerdy-down-to-earth-ustaz-wannabe get hooked with some hot chicks (if you know what I mean) and vice versa. Ok for a case study, let’s look at Fara case. You know Fara? She’s the one who sang ‘Bagaikan Puteri” song. Fara was a nightclub singer. Her dance; wow! And her dressing; sexy ok. When she announced that she’s settling down with her now-hubby, I was like hmmm this pious looking man taste is somewhat differ from his look. But look at Fara now. She’s changed into a better person. She wear tudung (I mean no harm towards those who’s not wearing it ok) and even joined the marhaban activities ok.

Well maybe deep in her, she’s aware that what she did is something not really on a good track but she didn’t have the strength to change any of it. And she found it (the strength) in him. And same goes with us. Deep in our heart, we always want to be a better person. But sometimes we ourselves don’t have the strength and we needs some support. This strength and support would normally come in the form of our better half. The term of better half itself explain everything.

We can never stop people from being judgmental. And we can never satisfy everyone. We can only pray to God for His blessing on everything that we do. And pray we do to ensure we’re on the right track. Right?. And I pray that whoever my better half would be, he can provide me the strength and support for me to be a better person too. Amen.

Fancy eating alone?

Ok today’s topic is; Do you like to eat alone? Do I? I did it zillionth of time but still hate it though. Living alone mean I have to eat alone right. At home (my parent’s one), even with so many people around, I eat alone sometimes. But the feeling is different when I ate alone at my own home coz there at my parent’s home, while munching the foods, my siblings would pass by and I can talk to them. But at my own home, I am all alone. During fasting month, the feeling; of eating alone was much more intense.

Eating alone at home is still ok I think but what about in public? Yeah been there, done that too. Some people would say no way he’s/she’s going to eat alone. But I’m not going to starve myself just because there’s no one to eat with me right. When I’m alone, I’ve tried eating at restaurant, stalls and fast food outlet. Guess eating at fast food outlet is much better for at the stalls/restaurant, I felt a bit vulnerable, more self-conscious. It’s like people are looking at you, talking about you, watching at your table manner, everything lah. But I don’t feel that when I ate alone at fast food outlet. In fact I’m enjoying eating alone there for I can see peoples around. Have I told you before that one of the thing that I like to do is looking at peoples? It’s kind of entertaining ok. And sometimes I’m lost on my thought thinking and reflecting on just about anything.

When I was a kid, I always eat alone at home; mostly during weekdays. I would read anything in front of me; the nutrition facts on food packages, the ingredients, anything lah. You know sometimes we would use old newspaper the cover the table? I read that too ok. I even read newspaper used to pack the nasi lemak ok. Sometimes when he stumbled upon me reading while eating, my dad would scold me coz I’m not supposed to do other thing while eating.

And sometimes I would pretend that I’m a monster and the rice is ‘orang kenit’. And the fish would turn into whale coz it’s the biggest fish right. This ‘orang kenit’ would plead me not to eat them. Normally the scene would be like this;

Me (the monster): Hahahah…. I’m hungry… I want to eat you all…

Me (the orang kenit): Help! Help! Don’t eat us. Please…. we’re not guilty… (and I don’t even know they are guilty for what)

Me (the monster): I don’t care. I want to eat all of you. Hmmm big fish… I eat you with this big fish too.

Then I would munch aloud… like monsters do… nyum…nyum…nyum.. My dad would call me crazy coz I talk alone most of the time. Not only while eating ok. I’d love to play this pretending thingy. Bet all of us did too right.

Now that I’ve grown up, I’ve stop pretending to be the monster but I still read while eating. That is when I’m alone of course. Sometimes I would read the same thing again and again and again. I find it stimulating though. But nothing can beat the joy of eating together with family and friend. The food taste so much better right.

So what about you all? Fancy eating alone?

Nora oh Nora

Hari Sabtu tu, mula-mula plan with Yus nak settle wedding card dia tapi tak jadi. Plan nak ke IKEA with En. Nasrol pun tak jadi. So plan C ialah mencari cabinet TV yang telah diidamkan sejak sekian lama. Since ramai yang telah mengesyorkan cari kat area Bangi/Kajang sebab banyak pilihan and price pun ok so I pun ajaklah Nora tolong temankan. Pertama sebab dia kan tinggal kat Bangi so sure expert ngan area tu kan. Kedua sebab, I memang suka je ajak si Nora ni pegi beli furniture. Last time masa beli wardrobe kat IKEA pun dengan Nora jugak.

Mula-mula janji kul 12 sebab mak dia suh tunggu orang hantar gas kul 11. Pastu delay setengah jam lagi sebab mak dia suh jual paper plak. Tunggu punya tunggu sekali dalam kul 1 camtu mamat tu cakap dia tengah pusing satu Kajang cari pusat recycle. Sabar jelah mendengarnya.

Nasib baik last week Edwin ada bagitau pasal pusat recycle yang baru buka kat P9 so I suh dia datang Putrajaya jelah. Boleh tak si Nora ni, dia pegi buang buku-buku yang penting untuk PTK. Ada buku Dasar-dasar Awam Malaysia, Pentadbiran Kerajaan Malaysia dan banyak lagilah. Paling tak tahan, dia pegi buang buku Pelan Integriti Nasional sekali. Padahal on Thursday tu I baru je bought the same book. Hish tak sayang buku betul dia ni. Sume tu buku mak dia and dia tak nak so buang ajelah.

Settle jual buku, terus ke Kajang. Yang lawak tu, kebanyakkan shop yang kitorang pegi ingat kitorang ni couple la apa la. Our reaction;

Me: Eh kitorang duk rumah lain-lain lah.

Nora: Saya ni driver dia aje.

Siap terserempak dengan cikgu si Nora ni sekali. Tau cikgu dia cakap apa?

Haaa dah besar dah pun ni. Dah nak kawin dah pun. Nanti kawin jemput la cikgu.

Whatever lah cikgu… Actually budget nak beli cabinet dalam RM400 je sekali terbeli yang RM600 punya. Takpelah janji puas hati kan. Hai manalah nak cekau duit nak bayar bulan depan ni. Bonus sudah tentu kena potong sebab sekarang ni jumlah tertunggak elaun rumah je dah RM2400. Melayang duit bonus begitu sahaja. Sob…sob….

After lunch I asked Nora to go to the nearest surau for my Zohor prayer. Tapi dia dengan selambanya kata;

Alah tumpang semayang kat umah aku jelah.

Gulp! Pegi umah Nora? Alamak takut la plak. Takut ngan mak dia actually. Yelah mak dia ni macam strict jugaklah kan. Kang dia kata ni pompuan mana lah ni tak malu ikut anak aku balik umah ni. Ha mana nak lari masa tu? I ni memang la suka pikir yang bukan-bukan tapi kira berasas la ok. Si Nora ni mommy’s boy so mak dia sure tak nak dia kawan ngan ntah sape ntah kan. Errr… I ni ntah sape-sape ke?

So while he went inside bagitau mak dia, I waited outside anxiously. Siap tunggu kat pagar ok sebab takut. Sekali terdengar… ‘Hoi masuklah!’. Cess Nora. Kalo ye pun panggil le sopan-sopan sket. Masa masuk tu, dalam hati ni macam-macam rasa. Hahaha… macam nak jumpa mak mentua plak. Padahal nak tumpang solat aje. Mak dia tengah masak masa tu. Dia suh I naik, solat kat atas.

Gulp. Masa naik atas tu, hai risau gak lah. Rasa macam diperhati aje. Tapi tu perasaan aje ok sebab mak dia kan sibuk masak. Nak cari telekung satu hal, nak amik wudhu pun satu hal. Si Nora ni bleh suh masuk je bilik mak dia. Wei segan lah kan. Last-last guna toilet Nora. Hmmm bersih. Hehehe….

Lepas solat tu, tak tentu arah I kejap ok. Si Nora ni mandi kot. So I pun turun bawah. Duduk salah, berdiri pun salah. Takkan nak duduk je nanti mak dia kata apa plak kan. So borak-borak la kat dapur tu. Sekali mak dia suh duduk je kat depan tu hah. Hadoi la… mana la si Nora ni hah. Yang I ni pun satu. Dok risau sangat ngan apa yang mak dia ni pikir ni kenapa. Bukannya nak jadi menantu dia ke apa kan. Pelik betul la…

Ingatkan bila Nora dah turun boleh la balik kan. Sekali mak dia dah goreng cempedak la plak. So kena la minum petang dulu. Oh ye… I and Nora di bila bercakap ‘aku engkau’ je. So bila depan mak dia tu kenalah control sket supaya tak terkeluar ‘aku engkau’ tu. Bukan ape, my mom tak suka when I used ‘aku engkau’ with my friend so manalah tau mak dia pun sama macam my mom.

Tapi yang lebih teruk ialah I panggil Nora ni Nora. So takkan nak panggil dia Nora depan mak dia kan. Kang meroyan plak mak dia sebab I panggil anak bujang dia dengan nama pompuan. Ops for those yang tak tau, nama penuh Nora ni Norazhar. Instead of Azhar, I panggil dia Nora. Mula-mula saje la macam main-main, sekali terlekat, susah nak tukar. Ada gak yang panggil Haha. Tapi I tak boleh la… Nora jugak yang I panggil. Well exclusive lah sket kan.

Masa borak sambil minum petang tu, I dah tak panic dak. Dah ok dah. And turn out mak dia pun okey aje. Fuh lega. Ntah macam mana boleh terkeluar cerita pasal seafood kat Kuantan. Mak si Nora ni suka makan seafood. Yang tak tahan tu, boleh mak dia cakap;

Nanti nak balik Kuantan, bagilah tau. Azhar ni nak ikut.

I was like ‘hah?’. Iyelah mak cik. Si Nora plak;

Eh mama ni… dia yang nak kita plak yang kena.

Tak kisah la tu. Nanti I balik I belikan lah seafood tu. Tapi sekarang ni musim tengkujuh so susah sket la. I was actually very full ok tapi kena gak makan. So dengan penuh susah-payahnya, I makan la jugak 2 ulas cempedak goreng tu. Pastu balik. Ok dah abis cerita.

Eh sebelum tu…. untuk yang tak kenal lagi tu, ni lah Nora.

I'm LEMAU

Help…. I need help. I got tonne of work to do and one minutes that already took too long to finish and yet I kind of blur like that. It’s like am losing ideas to write. That is not good ok. I have to finish this minutes. I even put dateline for myself but I just can’t seem to write anything. Minutes should be out 3 days after the meetings but now it’s like a month already.

I work best under pressure. When there’s no pressure, inilah jadiknya. Lemau. Aggghhh tensionnya when this ‘lemau’ syndrome took over me.

By hook or by crook, I have to finish it by next week. Selagi this minutes tak disiapkan, hati I takkan tenang ok. Berserabut otak dok fikir pasal minutes ni. I memang tabik spring to those yang boleh buat minutes in 3 days. Memang hebat.


And for that, walaupun baru je tadi I kata En. Nasrol ni tak cukup jantan, tapi bab buat minutes ni dia memang hebatlah. Dia buat minutes untuk mesyuarat pengurusan and post-cab. Hebat tuuu. Ayat dia dah la power-power. Kagum tak terhingga I. En. Afnan pun hebat dalam bidang penulisan ni. Memang kagum habis lah ngan both of them. Kenapa la bab tu I tak plak terikut-ikut ek. Kalo bab berdrama tu cepat je I ikut. Benda-benda yang baik ni tak nak plak ikut ek.

Kenapalah jadi PTD ni kena wat minutes. Bencilah macam ni.

Si penakut makan ubat

Eh ada sesuatu yang agak errr… memalukan(?) telah berlaku. Just now. Ada orang tu (En. N*s*o*), dia demam. Agaknya tertekan memikirkan Hari Kualiti esok la ni. Pastu dok merengek-rengek nak panadol dari pagi tadi. I suh minum 100plus je tapi nak jugak panadol.

So baru kejap tadi I bagilah dia panadol suh makan. Boleh tak this guy, makan panadol bersalut asam. Cesss memalukan btoi. Nama je lelaki tapi penakut nak makan ubat. Last time I saw someone eating the meds like that was when Yuzi, a friend of mine masa kat U dulu makan panadol bersalut buah pisang. Rupa-rupanya lelaki pun ada gak yang makan ubat nak salut-salut ni.

Adik-adik I pun tak makan ubat macam tu. Main telan aje coz my parents tak de manja-manjakan we all bila nak makan ubat ni.

Eeeeiiii tak macho betul la si N*s*o* ni. Boleh tak, I usik-usik la dia;

Hei hilang lah kejantanan u makan ubat macam tu.

Tak pelah… biarlah I tak nampak ‘jantan’ di mata u. (as long as I nampak jantan di mata *tut*) – ni I la tambah sendiri ni.

Amboi-amboi…. sejak dah ada something-something dengan someone tu dah pandai ye…. Ops!

Is this a prob or what?

Someone is trying to woo me. How to say no without hurting his pride? Yeah maybe he’s just fooling me around kan. But someone told me that this person like me. But I don’t like him. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not like hating him just errr… how to say huh? He’s not my type? But what type is my type then? But the bottom line is; I don’t think he’s the one.

I feel like geli like that when someone tries to sweet-talk with me. Especially those whom I don’t have feeling for. If for gurau-gurau; like some friends did, I wouldn’t mind but if I sensed that it’s not gurau type then I kind of ‘geli’? But I won’t show la my geliness, I just act normal or would just laugh…. a fake laugh if you can sense it.

Tak best la like this. For I would have to run or hide when I see this guy, something that I don’t really have to do actually. I would feel uncomfortable if he’s around coz I have this I’m-being-watch feels. Pity both of us kan.

Well… I suppose I should just act like there’s nothing happened right. Just pretend like he’s just teasing me like what others did. Hope as time goes by, his feeling towards me will fade away. The sooner the better. Hehehe…

No more senaman tekak

Yesterday I had dinner with En. Afnan and En. Nasrol at Kenny Rogers. Makan with En. Afnan, tanpa drama adalah tidak lengkap ok. And people teased me for being oh-so-drama-queen. Ni Tok Guru I ni. Lagi teruk ok.

Day before that En. Afnan did invite me for senaman-tekak ni. (karaoke session la...) And yesterday he invited again. But actually I've told myself, no more karaoke after Ramadhan.

When I was with Guardian, during lunch break, those staff would ask me to join them for a session but I always said no. I rather walk alone than being in that small room.

Last year, there was one day when some friends went to karaoke and I was actually with them for a shopping session. So I just had to drag myself in that room. Everyone enjoyed themselves but not me. I cough non-stop coz I can't stand the smoke.

Then this year, En. Afnan telah berjaya membawa I untuk berkaraoke. I'm a lousy singer. My voice is horrendous and singing in front others is downright embarrassing for me. But with them, nothing seems to be important.

We went there few times, with En. Nasrol too. To be honest, I actually enjoyed those session with this two guys. They would laugh their heart out at me; especially En. Afnan lah kan but I seem not to care at all. From someone being too conscious on people judgment, I've changed into I-don't-give-a-damn-at-all.

But I have this inner thought. When I did something that I deem as not a good me act, this inner thought will keep reminding me to stop. That’s how I felt when I started this karaoke thing. I had so much fun but I felt guilty too.

I’m not going to elaborate more on why I think karaoke is something bad coz I know a lot of friend who enjoyed karaoke and as a friend I do not want them to feel offended.

But I guess En. Afnan did feel that yesterday. I’m not labeling him as bad person for enjoying karaoke but maybe he think that I think of that. I know he really want me to join him yesterday but I have to decline.

I love music. I still do. And I would sing aloud; at my workstation, in the car, at home; all the time. But not karaoke. I’m just not into it.

Guess we need to find other way to release the stress together; besides the normal retail therapy. Any suggestion?